Whether you’re making the call or receiving it, talking on the phone with your crush can be a nerve racking experience. The anxiety is well worth it, though, since a strong conversation can lead to even better things down the road. By making a good first impression, keeping your crush interested and engaged, and ending the conversation gracefully, you can make a connection that will bring you and your crush closer together than ever before.
Making a Good First Impression
If you have the luxury of making the call, take some time to prepare yourself. Breathe deeply and steadily through your nose to help your body relax and, once you feel cool and collected, reach for your phone. If the call comes to you, take a second to breathe before picking up the phone.
- If you’re too nervous to talk, don’t pick up. Give yourself some time to cool down and, when you’re ready, call them back with a simple “Sorry I missed your call.” Remember to check your voicemail in case they left a message.
Use a casual greeting.
You don’t need a snazzy one-liner for a phone call. A simple “Hey, how are you?” is more than enough, and their response can give you an idea of how they’re feeling. Unique greetings are fun, but it’s probably best to save them for a few calls down the line.
- People often sound different over the phone, so make sure you tell them who’s calling.
Set the tone with a question.
Unlike in-person conversations, phone calls are usually made with a purpose in mind. Unless your crush already provided one, get the conversation going by asking something that can’t be answered with “Yes” or “No,” like:
- “What does this question from class mean?”
- “How was the orchestra concert?”
- “What did you think of the new Star Wars trailer?”
Look for a point of interest you can talk about.
While listening to their answer, look for a topic you can use to move into a full conversation. It can be related to the question itself, like talking about the previous assignment after the current one, or it can be something completely different. If they aren’t responding, try answering the original question yourself and asking what they think.
Keeping the Conversation Going
Talk about common interests.
Try focusing on topics you know your crush has an interest in. Avoid topics only you know, since they won’t be able to say anything about them. When in doubt, talk about the thing that brought you together in the first place. A common friend, class, or social circle are easy topics to fall back on.
- If your crush plays sports, try asking “Are you ready for the big game on Friday?”
- If your crush writes for the school paper, try saying “I really liked your last article! How did you think of the topic?”
- If your crush takes dance or marching lessons, try asking “What routines are you working on?”
Let your crush speak.
People love talking about themselves, and they love it even more when someone is paying attention. When they’re talking, listen to what they have to say and try not to interrupt. If you keep the conversation on them, they’re more likely to enjoy it.
Respond to what they say.
When your crush finishes talking about something, try and add to the conversation. If they brought up a particular band, talk about some of their songs. If they mentioned a school event, give them your thoughts on it. This is an easy way to keep the conversation active while showing that you care about their interests.
Fill the silences with questions.
Nobody likes to be interrogated, but a question here and there will take the pressure off you and keep the conversation going. If you have trouble finding things to say, ask your crush for details about something they recently brought up.
- Ask questions about their lifestyle or values. So you can ask, What are you doing this weekend? What did you do last summer?
- The conversation should be enjoyable and proceed organically.
- It should not be like an interview where you come prepared with questions.
Keep the tone light.
Try to leave your crush in a better mood than when the conversation first began. Stay positive and optimistic, even if they aren’t, and avoid getting negative or critical. Try cracking a light joke, and laugh along if they make one. If the topic leads to it, a personal compliment can brighten their whole day, but be ready with a new subject in case they don’t know how to respond.
- Unless your crush is the debate team captain, avoid talking about controversial subjects like politics and religion.
End the call on a happy note.
Try to end the call after finishing a pleasant topic or joke, that way your crush feels good and will want to talk again in the future. If you’re running out of things to discuss, if the silences start getting longer, or if your crush sounds uninterested, it’s probably time to end the call. None of these are signs that the conversation went badly, but paying attention to them will let you know when to give your crush space.
- For your first phone call, brief is usually better. 10 to 15 minutes gives enough time to make a connection without running into awkward territory.
Leave the conversation politely.
When ending a phone call, direct is always best. Tell them you have to leave and thank them for talking. Most people won’t ask why you need to go, but have a simple reason on hand if they do, something like “I have to go eat dinner” or “I need to finish my paper.”
Ask when you can talk again.
It usually isn’t wise to ask someone out after one phone call, but you can figure out when you’ll talk to each other next. If you go to the same school, a question like “Talk to you in class?” will give you an excuse to say hi. If you don’t, ask if you can call them later or talk to them online. Questions like these leave the door open for future conversations and, if you’re lucky, maybe even a date.
- If they respond positively, give them a few days before approaching them again so you don’t come across as desperate or needy.
- If they respond negatively, don’t panic! They may be nervous, shy, or distracted by things going on in their own life. Give them space and try to connect again in a few weeks.
Take some time to cool off.
You may be excited, anxious, or any combination of emotions after your call. Give yourself a moment to take it all in and come back down to earth. Most importantly, don’t stress out. You’ve taken the first step in getting closer to your crush, and that is worth celebrating.