Although paying attention to someone on social media is not a good indication of your relationship status, it may be frustrating to be with a partner who does not pay attention to you on social media, especially if you are an avid social media user. You may be frustrated with your partner for not acknowledging you on social media, though they may be very attentive in person. In our digital age, having a connection in real life and online can be important for maintaining a healthy relationship. You can deal with a partner who ignores you on social media by addressing the issue with them and by using social media to get their attention.
Addressing the Issue With Your Partner
Think about why your partner’s decision upsets you so much.
Before you address the issue with your partner, you should sit down and consider why you get so upset when your partner ignores you on social media. Are you worried they are speaking to individuals that they shouldn’t be, such as a former partner or ex? Are you feeling a disconnect between your partner’s online presence and your partner’s real life? Do you worry you are being left out of online conversations or discussions your partner is having that you want to be included in?
- Thinking about why you are upset by your partner’s decision to ignore you on social media can help you address the issue with them in a clear, decisive way. You can also speak about your feelings more honestly and clearly if you know what they are and why you are upset.
Find a quiet, private space to talk with your partner.
When you decide to address the issue, start by finding a time where you can be alone with your partner. If you live with your partner, choose a quiet, private area in your shared space, such as the living room, the bedroom, or the kitchen. If you do not live with your partner, you may invite them over to your place to talk to them so you have privacy and can talk freely.
- You may set up the conversation by telling your partner, “I need to talk to you about something” or “Can we meet up and talk? I have an issue that I want to discuss.”
Use “I” statements to discuss the issue.
Once you and your partner are alone, express your concerns using “I” statements. Be specific about how your partner ignores you on social media and why this bothers you so much. Using “I” statements will ensure you are speaking from your perspective and being clear about how you feel.
- For example, you may say, “I am upset that you ignore me on social media because it is important to me that we talk online as well as in real life” or “I am bothered by how you ignore me on social media because I want us to stay connected in real life and online.”
Ask your partner about their opinion of social media.
Part of the reason why your partner may not engage with you on social media very much may be due to how they view social media. They may see it differently than you do. Try asking them how they feel about social media and what they think its purpose is.
- For example, your partner might see social media as a place to share interesting news stories and connect with friends who live far away. They may consider it inappropriate or uncomfortable to use social media as a way to share personal feelings with you.
Encourage each other to be active listeners.
You and your partner should work on communicating with mindfulness and honesty. Encourage each other to be active listeners, where you pay attention to what you both have to say and respond with thoughtful questions. Being active listeners will help you both share your thoughts and avoid getting into an argument or disagreement.
- For example, you may allow your partner to respond to your concerns and listen closely to what they have to say. Ask thoughtful questions, such as “Why do you feel uncomfortable with being connected on social media?” or “Why do you prefer to ignore me on social media?”
- Try to listen to each other and respond by acknowledging what the other person said before you respond. For example, you may say to your partner, “What I am hearing you say is that you do not think it is a big deal that you ignore me online.” Then, once they have confirmed you have heard them correctly, you can respond in kind.
Come to an agreement or resolution.
Work with your partner to come to an agreement or resolution on the issue. You may need to have several conversations with your partner or suggest a compromise so you can both come away with what you want.
- For example, you may ask your partner to acknowledge your posts on social media as a first step. Or you and your partner may agree to both chat more on social media moving forward. You may say, “Let’s start by commenting on each other’s posts on social media and go from there.”
- You may also suggest that your partner communicate with you over email so you still have some contact online. If you want to share animal videos with your partner, you may send one to them over email so you are both still connected.
- Keep in mind you and your partner may not come to an agreement on this issue. They may not feel it is important that they pay attention to you on social media, though you may think otherwise. You both may need to agree to disagree if a resolution does not seem possible.
Using Social Media to Get Your Partner’s Attention
Tag your partner in your social media posts.
If talking to your partner is not an option, you can try using social media to get your partner’s attention and get them to start responding to you online. One way to do this is to tag your partner in your social media posts. Doing this could be a not so subtle way of getting your partner’s attention and forcing them to click on your posts.
- You can tag your partner on social media sites like Facebook and Instagram by using the @ symbol in front of your partner’s username on social media. This will tag them in your posts and they will get a notification letting them know you have tagged them. This could force them to then look at your tag and your post.
Share content with your partner on social media.
Another way you can get your partner’s attention is to share content with your partner on their social media pages. You may post a link to a video they might enjoy on their Facebook wall or you may write a funny comment on their Instagram post. Sharing content with your partner can make them notice you online and put them in the position where they have to at least acknowledge your social media presence.
- You may try sharing content with your partner that you think they might find interesting or engaging enough to comment on. Look for videos, articles, and memes online that your partner may like and post it on their social media to get their attention.
Call out your partner on social media.
You may resort to this option if you have tried tagging and posting on your partner’s social media to no avail. Only go with this option if your partner is ignoring you due to carelessness or to hurt you, and always try discussing the issue in person with them before resorting to online tactics. Keep in mind calling out your partner online will be public and seen by everyone they know on social media. You do not want to bully your partner online in front of others or shame them. Instead, take on a friendly tone and call them out in a light, fun way so they do not get upset.
- For example, you may post on your social media, “My partner likes to ignore me on social media because he thinks he’s too cool!” Or you may post a message to your partner on their wall like, “Remember me?”
- Try to keep the call out message light and fun. Your partner may get freaked out if you start calling them out a lot online and see it as shaming them into paying attention to you. These types of postings will likely only lead to a fight or a conflict with your partner.
Tips
- Keep in mind that if your partner is attentive in real life, then you may want to let go of their inattentiveness on social media. If your partner ignores you on social media, then this does not mean they do not care about you. Their behavior with you in person is what you should pay the most attention to.